Ashes to Asses …

Hooray! England beat Australia to win the Ashes. And I … don’t give a FUCK! Woohoo! Here’s what I think. The winners can take that nasty jigger-like urn and stuff it up their asses. At least that ought to bring some use to that abominable little thing that they call a trophy. It’s totally gay and hideous. What’s with the English and their endearment towards tradition, I can never quite understand.

And what’s with another Miss Venezuela winning the Miss Universe crown, eh? Seriously, I mean, I really don’t give … ah, well you get the point. Maybe I’ll be interested if the two chicks in the picture have an orgy or something.

No alarms and no surprises today, an absolutely terrible day at the office. Bored to the point of calling up long forgotten pals, which, by the way, was none too intriguing either. Most of the chaps in office had taken the day off or had left early to visit the Elephant-God. It’s yet another thing that catapults me into deep slumber. The reason not only pertaining to me being an atheist, but also because of the annoyance it causes by way of cacophonous loud music and road-blocks and traffic jams. In my opinion, such events should be held only for a day and that day should be declared a public holiday. Anyways, I won’t exhibit much more of my dislike towards such events lest I get into trouble. A hard day deserves to end with a beer, cheers!

A Day off, finally!

I finally get a day off for myself from everything: crappy work, silly parties, fun parties, jackass pals, jingo colleagues, hippies, et al. Frankly, can’t recall when was the last time I spent a whole day just lazying around and sleeping and reading and watching SP. Ah! I miss this so much. Come to think of it, it’s only been about a month on my new job.

But whatever, it’s been a good (re?)-start to my corporate career. My job profile’s good, pay’s decent considering the recession and all that, and probably the most important thing is I have, at least for now, not acted stupidly or retardedly on the job. My tendencies for being a complete dumbass are legendary, as most would know already. It’ll be interesting to see how long this streak lasts.

Anyhoo, the out-and-out worst part of the current job is the bloody traveling time. It takes almost an hour and an half to travel to my office, which is located at Cuffe Parade. Sure, the office is gangsta-style with the facilities: a modern gym with steam bath and sauna, a very nice library, stunning view of the sea, an uber-cool canteen that stretches to two floors (good food, too), hot chicks in the HR and all that jazz. But I sometimes wonder is it worth the effort? Especially since I’m concerned with only the last two facilities I listed.

Anyways, it’s getting kinda boring sitting at home and writing this stupid blog. It’s evening and I need fresh air. So, for those who are even more lame than me to read this; screw you guys, I’m outta here!

The Bored Party Kaminey

I absolutely hate attending formal parties thrown by friends. It’s never the one who throws the party who suffers, it’s the rest of the group that has to feel the pangs of restrain. The whole bloody time we have to watch our backs to make sure no one’s around when we pass vulgar comments or make lewd jokes. Trying to act restrained among friends is as difficult as restraining MSD from doing commercials (that seriously suck cojones BTW).

That’s not the only problem though. Real trouble brews when your pal has a hot cousin. You have no clue whether to restrain yourself or to gawk at her like your normal confident self. Things turn calamitous when your friend catches you eyeing his cousin. No explanation in the world could save you the embarrassment, as your pal too knows what a kamina you are (we all are).

Then there are those small things that one will not think twice before doing it normally, but must be absolutely avoided during such occasions: digging your nose, passing gas, scratching your balls and the likes.

All in all, you must trammel the true kamina within you. Speaking of which, I do think that Kaminey is a fabulous movie. And unlike most, I think the movie is more from the Scorsese’s school of film-making than Tarantino’s. Dealing with one’s guilt, Corruption among high authorities, Mean Cities (Mumbai & NYC), Sociopaths, etc. are trademark Scorsese. Though I still didn’t feel the same level of excitement and satisfaction like I felt after seeing Omkara. The hair didn’t stand up on the back of my neck as often as while watching Omkara. I could watch Kaminey twice or thrice at max, but I’ll never get bored of watching Omkara any number of times. Period.

Of Frustration and Who-Gives-a-Fuck?

On a day when the rest of the world witnessed a much awaited release of Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds, we in India were busy bringing traffic to a complete halt at peak hours. Apparently, the Prime Minister of Nepal and his entourage were meeting with the Indian politico. Seriously, does anyone reading this ( I know that not many are) know or cares to know who the Nepalese PM is?

I was with three of my other pals at Marine Drive witnessing this event. Security and police arrangement was astonishing to say the least. Eventually, when we found out that it was for the Nepalese PM, the hyper-intelligent company that I keep, we all started raking our brains wondering who the fuck is the Nepalese PM after all. My vast knowledge about Nepal confines to Mt. Everest, Gambling and Gurkhas. One intelligent guess was Wickremanayaka, who turned out to be the Sri Lankan PM. Another take on the subject, which I found plausible, was that the Indian President and PM are also the Prez and PM for Nepal. Thankfully, I didn’t publicize my support to the idea, as the one who did float the idea was ridiculed to the point of him hiding his face in his ass. The closest answer was Prachanda, who had resigned a few months back. Finally, we decided no one gives a fuck about the Nepalese PM and agreed to move on from the Intellectual Masturbation to more spiritual stuff, like: beer, nachos, sizzlers, et al.

Anyways, I can’t understand why in India we don’t get a simultaneous release of ‘good’ movies as the rest of the world. Note the word ‘good’, it does not mean GI Joe, Spider-man, Harry Potter, etc. It’s just bloody frustrating waiting for movies releasing in theaters months after their world-wide release. In some cases, even DVD rips are up on torrent sites before the movie is released, which is super-intelligent marketing strategy by the way. Oh, how I would have given up the most important meeting, the most delicious food, the best job interview, the hottest chick, to watch Inglorious Basterds today (ok, may be the one about the hottest chick is not true, but still). Sigh!

It just adds to my existing frustration levels which may hit new highs soon. I’m facing a crisis that I have already faced earlier. Yeah, it’s not too tough to guess that the crisis is because of a woman, nothing else makes an intelligent man repeat his mistakes (note the adjective). Only this time I’m playing the role of Sameer from Dil Chahta Hai with panache, in fact gazillion times more stupid. No Women No Cry, as they say. Damn!

Impact of doing away with Fuel Subsidies

Ok, here is an article in ET stating that government may eliminate fuel subsidies as soon as July, 2009.

http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/Govt-may-end-fuel-subsidies/articleshow/4597432.cms

I have a few thoughts on this issue:

1. There is absolutely no question that the fuel subsidies MUST GO. There are plenty of arguments for it and very few against it. Doing away with fuel subsidies will reduce the fiscal deficit by 50 basis point (or .5%). Fuel subsidies total to approximately Rs. 250 billion (or 0.5% of GDP) and Fiscal deficit is about Rs. 2225 billion (or approximately 6.2% of GDP).
2. Also, fuel companies have been bleeding because the fuel prices are not market determined. Market determined fuel prices will make the oil companies more competitive on the world stage. It will help them in striking deals when it comes to strategic acquisitions on the world stage, providing much needed energy security to India. You just have to look at the strategy of Chinese Oil companies in the last 5 years to understand what I’m talking about.
3. Then there is the ethical (and in my view point, logical too) argument about reducing consumption and dependency on fossil fuels and moving towards more cleaner sources of energy.
4. The only argument against the doing away with fuel subsidies that I can think of is that what impact will it have on the poor. It is a well known fact that the poor in India consume kerosene and not petrol, diesel. The government can still go ahead with rationing and subsidizing kerosene.
5. The fifth thought I have is whether the government will reduce the taxes on fuel? India has one the highest tax on fuel in the world. It’s approximately 52% on petrol and 30% on diesel. These taxes fetch the government approximately Rs. 910 billion. The logic presented behind such high taxes on fuel is that only about 5% of Indians pay Income Tax. (Agriculture Income is completely not Taxable). But we have to also note that reduction in taxes will negate the point made earlier about Fiscal Deficit.
6. Currently, the crude prices are hovering around $60-65 per barrel. This will amount to only about 5% increase in current prices. What happens when the crude prices touch the heights of $140-150 per barrel? This will translate into double the current price of fuel. Will the consumers be ready to shell out Rs. 100 per liter for petrol? And how will this affect the economy? I think there is going to be mayhem and political pressure on the government to take some steps to control the fuel prices (reducing the tax?). Also, there is no guarantee that the subsidies are not re-introduced in the future.
7. Finally, I would like to see how the government deals with diesel prices. Currently diesel prices are about 40% lower than petrol prices in India. In most other countries, diesel prices are generally more than petrol prices. In some cases diesel prices are as much as 20% more than petrol prices. With pricing freedom, I am quiet sure that we’ll see diesel prices rising more sharply than petrol prices. This will have impact across all the industries in India because transportation costs will increase which will lead to increase in cost of goods. Also, a minor point it may be but an important one none the less, many middle-class Indians have invested there hard earned money in diesel cars because of low diesel prices. Diesel cars are priced approximately 20% more than their petrol variants. If diesel prices reach the levels of petrol prices, wouldn’t these middle class families feel cheated, having paid more for a car and then having to pay more for the fuel as well?

I believe the government shouldn’t hasten in doing away with subsidies. It should consider all the issues that may come up and then accordingly frame its fuel policy around it. No doubt that this is the best time to implement free fuel pricing as the government does not have to think about the impact this will have on ‘vote bank’ in the near future.